Soon, soon I will find myself in a place that I put in one word - "countryside" (the nature there is more concentrated than in city; there are no traffic lights that sometimes gives us away of how we are rushing to something extra-urgent (or are we pretending so ably?) and there is no crowd that sometimes can drag you away with its inertia while you're standing there puzzle-headed about where to put your next step), - it is an opportunity to step back to look at myself from a distance.
I woke up from a several-weeks-long moonstruck walk, rubbed the eyes of my spirit and batted my eyelashes and then I tried to figure out what had happened during this long walk and again why everything that seemed so important in the city rush suddenly evaporated like the morning fog with the first warm sunbeams? A lot had happened..I don't think I can call myself a competent translator of the happenings: I doubt, because I am still learning, and all I can understand are just little fragments of the endless story.
I had managed to rebel. That wheel of the"Good-and-meaningful" was rusted, and it seemed to me that I could read an inscription on it saying: "Nobody nor says a word nor does a thing? Then I'll also remain still!". To kick my leg on the ground to shake it enough to make the wheel run again, I went trough a range of emotions that I once ran trough when I was preparing for a more than 10 metres high jump in the pool, when I was jumping and when I had done it: turmoil and trouble remembering to breathe normally. The ability to distinguish which of the voices crying around "Jump!", "Don't jump!" harmonize more with the voice of my heart was of great importance. And then- the jump into the unknown and awarding feelings afterwards. TO EXTEND YOUR HORIZONS, YOU NEED TO JUMP!
A lot of dishes had been smashed. Like never before. Really, is so much good luck going to occur? All that was left to do was to gather the shards so others wouldn't crush them..crush...the good luck or the shards?
I had met so many pairs of eyes - some of them too indecent ("Why on earth such an indecent and piercing look?) and some of them seemed to be telling me: "I know something that also you should know!"..And sometimes I myself was some of these pairs of eyes trying to swim into the depths of others' eyes..
I also had experienced that someone told me that I was THE BEST when I was GENUINE AND FREE.
I had oberved that someone accross the street was rushing so vigorously, appearing so busy to and rushing to deal with some urgent matters (perhaps, perhaps..), throwing a hint that we'll talk some time later (after hundred years*..)..So urgent matters that one must cross the street while the red light is still on, so that the acquaintance, seen already a while ago, doesn't come too close. Sometimes I myself was this person rushing across the street. BUSYNESS was also one of my fig leaves that I used to cover myself with. I had several more (silence, apathy, stupidity etc.), and I was wearing them depending on the situations in which some suited more than other. Sometimes I was also crossing the street while the red traffic light was still on, and I was holding in my free hand such things as "urgent", "duty" etc., so I couldn't (or was I afraid?) give my hand to the Truth that was giving her hand to me many times before promising to wake me up from the sleepwalking and to lead me through much, much better paths..
Maybe I need to drop down all the fig leaves and trashes out of my hands and to give my hand to the things that are calling me for a long time, and maybe those things are able to teach me when shattered dishes are just shards and when they mean a good luck...
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